A better me. A better mother. 

Motherhood taught me to catch and conquer my fear and worries. But to also cast them away to the depths of the sea. 

Motherhood taught me that no one is perfect. Not one mother has her shit together 24 hours a day. And that’s perfectly okay. 

Motherhood taught me that most times my worries and fears and just that. Worries and fears. 

My baby can’t tell me what hurts yet but I have to play detective and find the source of the problem. Usually after soft listening, watching her pattern, and observing her problem, I or me and my husband are able to diagnose what the problem seems to be. Most times, a few kisses, Barney songs while a temp is taken and looking at the calender to see when her last poop was,(yes I’m that mom who keeps track of her poop), we are able to determine what and why her tears are exposed. There are times when my anxiety races all through me because I can’t seem to figure it out. After staring at her for more than I should, I realize I have to let go and listen. I have to watch and focus. I have to cast aside anything that my mind tells me to do with anxiety and just learn from her. She tells me in her own way. In her own beautiful and smart way she tells me her troubles. Her sorrows. Her hurts. I am her mother. 

Anxiety can be the same way if you think about it. I have to stop, listen, observe what is around me and what I’m thinking about. At times telling myself that a thought is a thought and nothing more. I haven’t done anything wrong, I am not in trouble for anything, check my surroundings and focus on finding my balence. That could be a laugh at an old memory, a to do list for the day, walking at the gym or just being on the floor with my kids. 

Finding balence to life with children and life with anxiety and just life in general, especially in a foreign country, can be scary, exciting and down right fun. I’m making it how I want. One little worry at a time…😊

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