Triggers have an effect on me and some days I can’t seem to release them into the trigger hell of Stark unreality and that’s a bitch.
I have to remind myself, where does the fear come from? What is causing the fear? Can it be avoided?
My fear comes from childhood. I know this. Did I do something wrong? That’s always my biggest fear. Did I hurt someone’s feelings? Did I do something to make someone not like me? When something traumatic happens, why do I revert to thinking the worst? That’s the hardest part of anxiety. The buildup for the emotion that somehow something has to be wrong. Over analyzing takes over. Sounds so simple to stop. I have always been a worrier. Always. But usually I can solve the worry in minutes and never experience the anxiety. Here lately I have high points and low points. I’m always been able to control the anxiety and gradually it releases but I don’t want it in the first place so why it’s coming is pissing me off. I’m a positive person. Ive never let my past experiences effect me. Ive learned that I can overcome anything. Life teaches you lessons and I have had plenty in my life. I want to feel like I’m in one place again. The move back home has me anxious. I love being here and have felt a sense of home. Now that the move in the works, can I fit back in and pick up where I left off? I will have to build back up a clientele. Move to a new town, which is fine with me. Will people like me and my family? I know each and everyone of us will adjust, it just gives me the anxious feelings or worry because again, its unknown. I do know that God is in control and he has opened the doors for this to happen. I’m grateful for that ❤️