The bubble is gone. 

The nicu bubble. N. I. C. U. 

I’ve shielded Sidda for two years with the perfect bubble with only a hand full of times her body has gotten the cold, and I hate the cold.  Breathing treatments, listening for wheezing, patting the back for twenty minutes and doing everything I can to make her caugh. I. Hate. The. Cold. In my mind, when sickness comes the. She will be back to a nicu baby. I know not per say a hospital stay buy it could happen. At 24 months she is a rambunctious, inquisitive, hyper, sassy, and know it all toddler. She moves all day long. Hardly ever a nap but maybe twenty minutes in the car but that’s it. All her waking minutes are found roaming around exploring her surroundings. Toys galore scattered from one end of the living room to the other. It’s an all day thing to play the pick up and put your toys away game. A game I love and cherish. At the end of each toy toss, we clap hands and say yea!!! To see pure joy on her face is the highlight of my day. It makes all the toys that much better to pick up. 

Tonight while doing the dishes, she fell. Bubba and sissy were on the couch watching tv when she fell. I heard her cry and raced to her. Holding her arm up. My angel got hurt. Trying to balance herself on the horse seat, somehow the horse seat fell on her and her arm leaving wheels tracks and a scrape. The mother in me said why wasn’t I watching her? Quickly she calmed down and began to play again but it was apparent her little arm was going to have a bruise. I wanted to kick myself for doing the dishes while she played. How can I watch her constantly and do household chores also? Balancing motherhood and duties at home can be challenging especially when your husband is still in Saudi Arabia. Lord, guide me threw the days until we are whole again. Help me to not be so worried over every scrape and bruise. Teach me to remember that by faith, we can accomplish anything. Help me to stop worrying. I’m releasing the bubble, one day at a time. Good nignt my Sha Bebe 

You are my bucket list

I didn’t realize the little anxieties that came with parenting. Maybe it was something I took for granted or maybe just never thought too much about it. In three years I have felt fears I never knew existed. In three years I have felt confidence I never knew I had. Being a mother is the best gift God ever gave me. Being their mother taught me that.
Each night I see my kids and notice them. I see Cameran sleeping and tell her just how lovely she is. I see her room filled with pictures of friends all with smiles on their faces. A smile that has been a work in progress, but one that now is in full effect. She has a true gift. Bradyn’ room is filled with dirty socks covered in sand, books on the floor and his cologne collection. When I tuck him in, I still see his stuffed puppy that was waiting for him on his first day. Something as little as a stuffed animal makes my heart melt and wonder how much longer will he be my little boy. Sidda sleeps like a wild child, just like her arrival. It was wild and cautious. I tuck her back in the middle, move the hair from her face and whisper how God and Jesus knew she would be healthy and perfect. My night is complete and I can finish the chores I didn’t finish during the day. My anxieties cease knowing each of my children are sleeping peacefully. Cameran dreams of the dance that’s coming soon. Bradyn dreams of the soccer field and sports Vines. Sidda dreams of cupcakes and puppy dogs.
I thought this picture was a perfect portrayal of me. To my children. ❤️